Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Sunday, August 28, 2011

August 28th Quick Write

My roommate Haylee and I have been doing our best lately to be better and more devote writers. We had a quick writing session tonight and this is what I came up with:

"I watched as my alarm clock changed to 10 just as I realized that I was holding my breath. I had been watching the clock for the last hour, hoping that this moment wouldn’t come. But there’s one thing you can be sure of; and that’s that time will always go on.

I knew my parent’s routine. It had been the same my whole life, minus a few short month when my father had a mid-life crisis and swear he was going to persue a career in night, glow-in-the-dark mini golf. My parents would watch tv until 10. After 10 lights went off. Every great once in a while they stayed up longer, but never past 11. And they never left their rooms.

I grabbed my brown leather bag that I considered my monster kit. I had put it together within the first week of discovering monsters were real. It had been my Grandmother’s and it made me feel more confident using it. I didn’t really know if there was a set item list of what should be inside. Regardless, I had filled it with things that I considered to be essentials: holy water that I had gotten one year from a family vacation to a Monastery in Utah, a notepad and pen, compass, watch, camera, Swiss army knife, thermometer, candles, an old tape recorder, salt, blessing incense and banishing incense, and a cross.

I slowly opened my door, jaw clenched as if it would prevent my door from creaking. I was moving silently. I stood outside my parent’s door for a few moments. Thankfully no sounds. No movement. I slowly and silently inched down the staircase, praising whoever made it in my head.

It had been earlier in the week, when my mom convined me to go to the grocery store with her to buy more bird feed for the feeders (like it was some emergency). I reluctantly agreed but on the way back I noticed something bizarre.

We were stopped at a stop sign on Adam St. while my mother tried to convince me for the third time this year to try out for the advanced choir (no use trying to explain that usually you have to be enrolled in any type of choir first, and that I was not), when I saw it. It lasted only a few moments. A shadow. A movement of a tree.

But my training and instinct of a Gurardian of the Day has taught me to never ignore these types of things. You see, as we get older, our adult common sense tells us to say “It must have been a bird or something.” Or “perhaps a cloud caused that shadow.” But I knew it was something much different. I try to block out my adult common sense at all times.

As we drove off I used the rearview mirror to once over the house. It looked like a normal brick house built probably in the 1920s, like most of the houses in the neighborhood. The interesting thing was that everything in the yard was dead. The front yard looked like the dirt had been turned recently. But still, even the things growing in pots were dead. I knew at that moment that I would need to take a closer look.

I immediately went over the list in my head of monsters that made plants die. Ghosts were a very common one. Especially ill-tempered ghosts also known as poltergeists. I knew a lot of lore talked about demons making beautiful plants die. Was I ready to face a demon? "

Sunday, November 28, 2010

How could I possibly know that?

Today at work, was no better than any other day...except for one little gem of a transaction. Here is how the story unfolds.


Customer who I have never seen before in my life holding up a memory card: "Excuse me, is this the memory card that I almost bought on Friday?"


Me: How could I possibly know that?


Customer (getting angry): A simple "no" would have sufficed.


Me: ...


Customer (getting red in the face): ...


Me: Okay then. No.





In other news, here is a picture of my friend Trousie looking epic.


Sunday, April 26, 2009

Cheery Customer Interactions

Hokay, so...
I work for one of the world's largest electronic chain stores and I often find myself "stuck" with stupid customers. This may sound rude, because perhaps I am strategically placed in the store to assist customers in every way, but I assure you that after you read this, you might sympathize. I'm not strategically placed anyways, I'm just....lucky? I will post one now, but keep in mind that all of these examples that I will post are 100% true and come from various times throughout my employment here. I have color coated the interaction for your convenience (unless you're colorblind).


Customer: Hi, I was wondering if you could help me.

Me: Sure, what can I help you with?

Customer: So you can help me?

Me: Yes... (already getting a bad feeling about this customer)

Customer: Do you know a lot?

Me: That depends upon the subject matter and who you're comparing me to...

Customer: .....

Me: So what's your question?

Customer: Oh yeah. Well. I want to know....Well you see, I want to get this ipod.
(Customer holds up a 60 gb ipod)

Me: Okay. (still not sure what this crazy lady needs from me)

Customer: I'm worried though. It's not terribly heavy now, but I want to feel how heavy this ipod gets when it's full.

Me: Excuse me?

Customer: (speaking louder and slower as if I am hard of hearing) I want to know how heavy this is when it is full. Because if it gets too heavy I don't want it. If you don't know, can you get someone else?

Me: (smiling internally at this idiot) Miss, when your ipod gets full of songs and movies and such, it doesn't get heavier. When it's full, it just means you can't put anything else on it. It does not change in weight whatsoever.

Customer: (looking at me suspiciously as if I have just made up this answer and it cannot possibly be true) No, I mean the weight. The weight.

Me: I know you meant the weight. And the weight of an ipod is not affected by the amount of things that you put on it.

Customer: (still eyeing me like I just escaped from prison) Yeah. Okay. Hmmm. Alright.

And with that, she walked out of my life...and earshot so I laughed my ass off. Let it be known that as soon as she walked away from me, she walked straight over to another employee and asked the same question. I completely regret not indulging her with a magical story about the ridiculous weight of a full 60 GB ipod.